Went to the Gay Pride Festival for the first time this past weekend! (Does this make me a bad lesbian for taking this long to get up there)? What a riot! This years festival set a new record for vendors, volunteers, parade floats, and those in attendance. It was estimated that some 30,000 people attended the festival and I was lucky enough to be one of them.
I bought my festival tickets in advanced because I did not want to stand in line at Pride waiting forever! Apparently it took about 30 minutes of standing in line to get tickets the day of the festival I found out later. PHEW! Glad that wasn't me waiting that long. I bought the tickets about a week before Pride and immediately COULD NOT wait for the weekend to come. I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights and I swear my shifts took longer to get through with each passing night. Saturday at 8:00 could not come fast enough. Eventually I was done with work for the weekend and I was free to flee to Pride. FINALLY!!
Unfortunately, I was so stinkin' excited to go to Pride Sunday morning I had a hard time sleeping the night before. I had every intention of going to bed early because I would be up earlier than I usually am Sundays and I did not want to be grumpy. No one likes a grumpy lesbian at Pride. This did not happen however, I didn't get to sleep until about 2 in the morning after a 40 minute car ride around Riverton, South and West Jordan to make me sleepy and calm me down. I'm like a baby or small child like that--want me to get sleepy? Stick me in a car. Stupid excitement! When one goes to bed at 2, 8 a.m. comes early I have discovered...the hard way. For those who know me best you know how much I love my sleep. I love sleeping in and if I don't get 10 hours I am a grouchy bear. So being up at 8 in the morning on a Sunday almost never happens! You know Pride was important to me when I was up that early. I got up and jumped in the shower and by jumped I mean stumbled into the bathroom and more like fell into the shower. I was so sleepy. I don't think I even opened my eyes. I got dressed in my most appropriate Gay Pride attire; my Lesbians Taste Like Chicken shirt and most importantly my rainbow belt!! I then attempted to do my hair. It's very important to look good at Pride...you've got to compete with all those hot gay boys! You can't let them make the ladies look bad. My hair however, refused to work with me and I was having a bad hair day! Not a good day for a bad hair day! I gave up after awhile and just let it do whatever the hell it wanted. It worked and I looked alright. Maybe not hottttt, but hot. Good enough.
Miki got to my house after some very good directions--I have mad navigational skills. She was in need of some rainbow propaganda so I lent her one of my many rainbow belts. The first time she put on the belt she looped it through her right belt loop, thus making it impossible to buckle. "Amy what is wrong with your belt? Is it a man belt?" "No. It doesn't have body parts...I don't see any reproductive organs anywhere. It's unisex." The second time Miki put the belt on--left loop this time--she had the belt upside down. Seriously? You would think this was the girls first time wearing a belt! I told her, "Miki. Your rainbow is upside down." We got Miki all fixed rainbow right side up and headed off to Pride! While we were driving I was smoking (I know gross. It's bad for me. I need to quit. I know!) and I went to ash out the window, but instead of the ash going out the window like it was supposed to it came back and burned my chest instead. I screamed like a little girl and Miki looked at me like I was a crazy person. I started brushing the ash off my skin, but this only caused it to go down onto my stomach which caused it to burn a hole through my shirt!! No, not my lesbian chicken shirt! I was so bummed! I guess that's what I get for having a bad habit huh? As far as I was concerned Pride was ruined. I couldn't continue my pilgrimage up to Salt Lake. Just kidding! Like a little hole in my awesome shirt would keep me from Pride. I just put a black tank top on so the tiny hole wasn't as noticeable. Miki said we needed to get in the Pride spirit so we turned on good ole' Melissa Etheridge and had it blaring all the way up to SLC! It was a nice drive.
We got to the Pride grounds and made our way to the parade route. I was so happy! I couldn't wait to get my Pride on. While waiting at a cross walk I had a woman come ask me if she could take a picture of my awesomely inappropriate, but funny, slightly offensive shirt. "Heck yeah!" (I'm so Utahn). After the woman took her picture her partner came up to me and apologized, "Sorry. She gets a little crazy sometimes." "Oh no, it's fine." "She took a picture of the protesters earlier." Ohhh! I wanna picture of the protesters! Where they at? "Hey I would take a picture of them too. It's really okay." More and more people made their way to the parade and before too long it was wall to wall people. Can I just tell you how scary it is when you have social anxiety and you are shoulder to shoulder with strangers? It's crazy scary. Let the chest pain commence!! I was lucky enough to get to stand next to a man in drag who kept whacking me with his purse. Her purse? Their purse? It got a little annoying after awhile, but he? She? Wasn't as annoying as the stupid people in front of us! There was a group of taller, wider individuals who stood right up front, leaving us vertically challenged individuals straining to see past them. I was so mad! Isn't it a universal thing that taller people are in the back and the shorter peeps are up front? Maybe it's just me. The parade began with the motorcycle police leading the way. About four officers pulled up and sat for a minute. While they sat waiting there were a few officers who pulled out their cell phones and started taking pictures of us! Hahaha. While thousands of people were taking pictures of them, they were busy taking pictures of us. I just thought it was funny. After the police rode by it was the Dykes on Bikes turn. I was really excited to see this part. There is nothing like the smell of exhaust and leather and the roar of sexy sexy bikes to start your morning. Except...there was only like ten bikers...maybe WHAT?!? That's it? That was a disappointment. Following the bikers came our Grand Marshall, Ms. Roseanne Barr. I didn't know this, but she's from Salt Lake! She even grew up as a Jewish Mormon! Yes, both. I thought that was kinda cool. You learn something new everyday. Roseanne is old lookin' now. I was really surprised to see her with all that gray hair. Well anyways...Roseanne waved like any good Grand Marshall should, so I guess she fulfilled her duties. I didn't get to see much more of the parade than that due to ALL the people! It was overwhelming at times. Okay, most of the time it was overwhelming. Miki and I suffered through most of the parade, but ended up leaving early because we couldn't see, so why stand in the blistering heat getting hit with a purse every two minutes if you don't have to? Time to hit the festival!!
Upon our arrival to the festival the first thing I did was FREAK OUT!! Soooo...many people! My palms got sweaty and nasty and the chest pain increased ten fold. With heavy breathing, heart racing, and wide eyes I trudged forward into a gay abyss filled with pretty rainbows. Secondly, Miki and I found a nice shady place to fall onto the grass and chill out for a moment and take everything in. Once my feet stopped hurting we were on the move again! We wandered around checking out random booths and vendors, but it didn't take long weaving in and out of masses of people before I reached my people limit. I tend to have a very large bubble and I HATE it when people are in my bubble, so the fact that I was now sharing my bubble with at least five other people with every step I took was insane and no longer doable. I either had to leave Pride just having got there or go get a drink. I opted for second solution. Got myself a tasty beverage and drank half of it in the first gulp and calmed the nerves at which time Miki and I found some live music. Yay! This woman was...awesome! If Janice Joplin and Melissa Etheridge had a child together it would be this chick. I immediately fell in love! Her music was great, her raspy throaty voice was so sexy, and don't even get me started on her tattoos. Hot damn. I was smitten. While we were listening to "the hot chick" I was texting my buddy Laura and turns out Laura knows the hot chick!! Whaaat? Shut up! Laura wanted me to come meet her girlfriend so after the hot chick was all done singing me and Mik had the undaunting task of finding two ladies in a sea of lesbians. You're kidding me right? You're like a needle in a freakin' haystack! Shank me in the eyeball now. But don't worry...she was just over by the Bingo area...wherever the hell that is! Okay so first we had to find where the oldies were playing Bingo. Second, we had to look through the sea of oldies playing Bingo to find them still. (What is it about old people and Bingo anyways? Do they play it because they are old and can't move because it can't be that fun? When I'm old I'm going base jumping and riding a bullet bike at 130 mph. None of this Bingo silliness). Good thing for me--Laura wasn't in the middle of Bingo she was kinda on the outskirts of the Bingo area so they were easy to find. Praise the Lord. Met up with Laura and met her girlfriend and someone they knew. Laura told me hot chick's (did I mention she's hot? Not sure if I did) name, it's Chandra. "Yeah she was...a player." This is the polite way of saying she was slutty. If I were that hot I would be slutty too Laura. Aaannnd....that pretty much sums up Pride. Miki and I left shortly after that because Miki had to go help make Sunday dinner for the whole fam damily, and she was burnt to a crisp. I'm pretty sure she referred to herself as a pig and a crustacean. I'm not sure what the pig had anything to do with, but I will agree that she was as red as a lobster. Me on the other hand...not so much. Neener-neener!
This was the abridged version of Pride because it would take FOREVER to recount every feeling, every experience, every everything. Pride was good. I enjoyed my crazy time there and I plan on going again. I'm going to sleep in though and just skip the parade next time. The best part of Pride for me was seeing old gay and lesbian couples. Seeing two people who have been together and have loved each other for over half their life made me smile. Knowing that even 20 years ago it wasn't as easy to be gay as it is today, let alone 50 years ago, two people can find each other and can make it work all because of the love they have for one another gives me warm fuzzies. Love really does conquer all. This sounds a lil dumb, but it was good to be out with--for a lack of a better term-- "my own kind" knowing no one there cared if you were gay or straight. We were accepted for who we are, not what we are. Yes, I am a lesbian, but that's not the only thing. I'm also Amy. I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm self hating and self depricating sometimes. I'm loyal, and I care for my friends. There's so much more to me than just that one thing. You have to be willing to look past that and see what else is there though. It frustrates me feeling like that one aspect of my life is all people see sometimes. There's so much MORE. Don't hate me, don't stop loving me, don't disown me, don't deny me my rights because of this...this one thing. Instead of separating ourselves from one another by focusing on the one thing that makes us different we need to spend our time and energy seeing how we are the same. When you look at a painting or a picture do you just spend the whole time focusing in on one spot? No. You take a step back and see the picture as a whole. You allow it to all come together as one. Why can't or why don't we do that with people? Gandhi said, "Our ability to reach unity in diversity will be the beauty and test of our civilization." I say, "True dat!"
I bought my festival tickets in advanced because I did not want to stand in line at Pride waiting forever! Apparently it took about 30 minutes of standing in line to get tickets the day of the festival I found out later. PHEW! Glad that wasn't me waiting that long. I bought the tickets about a week before Pride and immediately COULD NOT wait for the weekend to come. I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights and I swear my shifts took longer to get through with each passing night. Saturday at 8:00 could not come fast enough. Eventually I was done with work for the weekend and I was free to flee to Pride. FINALLY!!
Unfortunately, I was so stinkin' excited to go to Pride Sunday morning I had a hard time sleeping the night before. I had every intention of going to bed early because I would be up earlier than I usually am Sundays and I did not want to be grumpy. No one likes a grumpy lesbian at Pride. This did not happen however, I didn't get to sleep until about 2 in the morning after a 40 minute car ride around Riverton, South and West Jordan to make me sleepy and calm me down. I'm like a baby or small child like that--want me to get sleepy? Stick me in a car. Stupid excitement! When one goes to bed at 2, 8 a.m. comes early I have discovered...the hard way. For those who know me best you know how much I love my sleep. I love sleeping in and if I don't get 10 hours I am a grouchy bear. So being up at 8 in the morning on a Sunday almost never happens! You know Pride was important to me when I was up that early. I got up and jumped in the shower and by jumped I mean stumbled into the bathroom and more like fell into the shower. I was so sleepy. I don't think I even opened my eyes. I got dressed in my most appropriate Gay Pride attire; my Lesbians Taste Like Chicken shirt and most importantly my rainbow belt!! I then attempted to do my hair. It's very important to look good at Pride...you've got to compete with all those hot gay boys! You can't let them make the ladies look bad. My hair however, refused to work with me and I was having a bad hair day! Not a good day for a bad hair day! I gave up after awhile and just let it do whatever the hell it wanted. It worked and I looked alright. Maybe not hottttt, but hot. Good enough.
Miki got to my house after some very good directions--I have mad navigational skills. She was in need of some rainbow propaganda so I lent her one of my many rainbow belts. The first time she put on the belt she looped it through her right belt loop, thus making it impossible to buckle. "Amy what is wrong with your belt? Is it a man belt?" "No. It doesn't have body parts...I don't see any reproductive organs anywhere. It's unisex." The second time Miki put the belt on--left loop this time--she had the belt upside down. Seriously? You would think this was the girls first time wearing a belt! I told her, "Miki. Your rainbow is upside down." We got Miki all fixed rainbow right side up and headed off to Pride! While we were driving I was smoking (I know gross. It's bad for me. I need to quit. I know!) and I went to ash out the window, but instead of the ash going out the window like it was supposed to it came back and burned my chest instead. I screamed like a little girl and Miki looked at me like I was a crazy person. I started brushing the ash off my skin, but this only caused it to go down onto my stomach which caused it to burn a hole through my shirt!! No, not my lesbian chicken shirt! I was so bummed! I guess that's what I get for having a bad habit huh? As far as I was concerned Pride was ruined. I couldn't continue my pilgrimage up to Salt Lake. Just kidding! Like a little hole in my awesome shirt would keep me from Pride. I just put a black tank top on so the tiny hole wasn't as noticeable. Miki said we needed to get in the Pride spirit so we turned on good ole' Melissa Etheridge and had it blaring all the way up to SLC! It was a nice drive.
We got to the Pride grounds and made our way to the parade route. I was so happy! I couldn't wait to get my Pride on. While waiting at a cross walk I had a woman come ask me if she could take a picture of my awesomely inappropriate, but funny, slightly offensive shirt. "Heck yeah!" (I'm so Utahn). After the woman took her picture her partner came up to me and apologized, "Sorry. She gets a little crazy sometimes." "Oh no, it's fine." "She took a picture of the protesters earlier." Ohhh! I wanna picture of the protesters! Where they at? "Hey I would take a picture of them too. It's really okay." More and more people made their way to the parade and before too long it was wall to wall people. Can I just tell you how scary it is when you have social anxiety and you are shoulder to shoulder with strangers? It's crazy scary. Let the chest pain commence!! I was lucky enough to get to stand next to a man in drag who kept whacking me with his purse. Her purse? Their purse? It got a little annoying after awhile, but he? She? Wasn't as annoying as the stupid people in front of us! There was a group of taller, wider individuals who stood right up front, leaving us vertically challenged individuals straining to see past them. I was so mad! Isn't it a universal thing that taller people are in the back and the shorter peeps are up front? Maybe it's just me. The parade began with the motorcycle police leading the way. About four officers pulled up and sat for a minute. While they sat waiting there were a few officers who pulled out their cell phones and started taking pictures of us! Hahaha. While thousands of people were taking pictures of them, they were busy taking pictures of us. I just thought it was funny. After the police rode by it was the Dykes on Bikes turn. I was really excited to see this part. There is nothing like the smell of exhaust and leather and the roar of sexy sexy bikes to start your morning. Except...there was only like ten bikers...maybe WHAT?!? That's it? That was a disappointment. Following the bikers came our Grand Marshall, Ms. Roseanne Barr. I didn't know this, but she's from Salt Lake! She even grew up as a Jewish Mormon! Yes, both. I thought that was kinda cool. You learn something new everyday. Roseanne is old lookin' now. I was really surprised to see her with all that gray hair. Well anyways...Roseanne waved like any good Grand Marshall should, so I guess she fulfilled her duties. I didn't get to see much more of the parade than that due to ALL the people! It was overwhelming at times. Okay, most of the time it was overwhelming. Miki and I suffered through most of the parade, but ended up leaving early because we couldn't see, so why stand in the blistering heat getting hit with a purse every two minutes if you don't have to? Time to hit the festival!!
Upon our arrival to the festival the first thing I did was FREAK OUT!! Soooo...many people! My palms got sweaty and nasty and the chest pain increased ten fold. With heavy breathing, heart racing, and wide eyes I trudged forward into a gay abyss filled with pretty rainbows. Secondly, Miki and I found a nice shady place to fall onto the grass and chill out for a moment and take everything in. Once my feet stopped hurting we were on the move again! We wandered around checking out random booths and vendors, but it didn't take long weaving in and out of masses of people before I reached my people limit. I tend to have a very large bubble and I HATE it when people are in my bubble, so the fact that I was now sharing my bubble with at least five other people with every step I took was insane and no longer doable. I either had to leave Pride just having got there or go get a drink. I opted for second solution. Got myself a tasty beverage and drank half of it in the first gulp and calmed the nerves at which time Miki and I found some live music. Yay! This woman was...awesome! If Janice Joplin and Melissa Etheridge had a child together it would be this chick. I immediately fell in love! Her music was great, her raspy throaty voice was so sexy, and don't even get me started on her tattoos. Hot damn. I was smitten. While we were listening to "the hot chick" I was texting my buddy Laura and turns out Laura knows the hot chick!! Whaaat? Shut up! Laura wanted me to come meet her girlfriend so after the hot chick was all done singing me and Mik had the undaunting task of finding two ladies in a sea of lesbians. You're kidding me right? You're like a needle in a freakin' haystack! Shank me in the eyeball now. But don't worry...she was just over by the Bingo area...wherever the hell that is! Okay so first we had to find where the oldies were playing Bingo. Second, we had to look through the sea of oldies playing Bingo to find them still. (What is it about old people and Bingo anyways? Do they play it because they are old and can't move because it can't be that fun? When I'm old I'm going base jumping and riding a bullet bike at 130 mph. None of this Bingo silliness). Good thing for me--Laura wasn't in the middle of Bingo she was kinda on the outskirts of the Bingo area so they were easy to find. Praise the Lord. Met up with Laura and met her girlfriend and someone they knew. Laura told me hot chick's (did I mention she's hot? Not sure if I did) name, it's Chandra. "Yeah she was...a player." This is the polite way of saying she was slutty. If I were that hot I would be slutty too Laura. Aaannnd....that pretty much sums up Pride. Miki and I left shortly after that because Miki had to go help make Sunday dinner for the whole fam damily, and she was burnt to a crisp. I'm pretty sure she referred to herself as a pig and a crustacean. I'm not sure what the pig had anything to do with, but I will agree that she was as red as a lobster. Me on the other hand...not so much. Neener-neener!
This was the abridged version of Pride because it would take FOREVER to recount every feeling, every experience, every everything. Pride was good. I enjoyed my crazy time there and I plan on going again. I'm going to sleep in though and just skip the parade next time. The best part of Pride for me was seeing old gay and lesbian couples. Seeing two people who have been together and have loved each other for over half their life made me smile. Knowing that even 20 years ago it wasn't as easy to be gay as it is today, let alone 50 years ago, two people can find each other and can make it work all because of the love they have for one another gives me warm fuzzies. Love really does conquer all. This sounds a lil dumb, but it was good to be out with--for a lack of a better term-- "my own kind" knowing no one there cared if you were gay or straight. We were accepted for who we are, not what we are. Yes, I am a lesbian, but that's not the only thing. I'm also Amy. I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm self hating and self depricating sometimes. I'm loyal, and I care for my friends. There's so much more to me than just that one thing. You have to be willing to look past that and see what else is there though. It frustrates me feeling like that one aspect of my life is all people see sometimes. There's so much MORE. Don't hate me, don't stop loving me, don't disown me, don't deny me my rights because of this...this one thing. Instead of separating ourselves from one another by focusing on the one thing that makes us different we need to spend our time and energy seeing how we are the same. When you look at a painting or a picture do you just spend the whole time focusing in on one spot? No. You take a step back and see the picture as a whole. You allow it to all come together as one. Why can't or why don't we do that with people? Gandhi said, "Our ability to reach unity in diversity will be the beauty and test of our civilization." I say, "True dat!"
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